The Ministry of Misery

I am a year 6 teacher in the North East of England, and with only 3 school days left until the dreaded SATs, I thought I’d perk my fellow teachers up with a poem. It was the best way I could find to vent my frustrations. Poems are good like that. Chin up you beautiful people. The government might not appreciate us, but the kids do! Here’s to you!


The Ministry of Misery


The adults of this desperate land

Have forged together to make a band

Of brothers with one simple goal,

To take away our children’s souls.

“How dare they do this?” teachers cry,

“We cannot let this madness fly!”

But soar it does for all to see

The Ministry of Misery.

They take our children, young and pure

Each with the chance to stretch and soar,

Then stick them in a concrete box

And bind their silken wings in stocks.

They tell of knowledge yet to find

While slowly padlocking their minds;

And pluck out feathers, blow out flames

By treating all our kids the same.

Guided reading, maths and SPaG

Grammar that makes our authors gag;

Poems spoke with lifeless tongues

How tragically we feed the young!

Our species journeyed through the ages

A wealth of knowledge, filling pages,

But do our flightless children see?

Not if they want that prized degree!

Modal verbs and prepositions

Just one way to do addition;

Don’t even ask about the arts

We’re yet to draw your own pie charts!

Past progressive, perfect present

Buckle in, this won’t be pleasant;

The bar for them is set so high

That teachers are now forced to lie:

“This stuff’s important, don’t you know!

Just let the pointless knowledge flow!

Never you mind the great outdoors

If you can’t count up in your fours!”

And so the dreadful cycle goes

The more they learn the less they know

Of this great world that’ll soon be theirs

Denied to them by thoughtless peers.

And then we wonder why the world,

Is caught up in a downward swirl;

Yet there is a way to set them free

Cast out that clueless Ministry.

Turn out the shadows, suits and ties,

There really is no compromise;

If we really want our kids to soar

Let teachers teach forever more.

Guy Lucas

Year 6 Teacher


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